Beavertale 3

Growth means change and
change involves risk, stepping
from the known to the unknown.

You can’t possibly be ready; no matter how much you prepare, or however well you have come to terms with the situation, you will never be ready. Almost a year ago I was preparing for what was to be the biggest challenge and most rewarding year of my life. It has definitely surpassed rewarding in all aspects, but the biggest challenge has turned out to be not coming to a foreign country, but the return home. Preparing to go back to Canada and saying good bye to the place you have come to love is extremely difficult to do without going insane in the process. The real adventure, the aspect of exchange that we failed to prepare for, is our journey back in time to the place where time has stood still and no one is ready for our personal change. To a place where no one will understand how we have changed except ourselves; the hustle and bustle of thousands of people rushing off to work and fighting through traffic is something I personally am not prepared for.

Everything I was told about Rotary Youth Exchange turned out to be spot on. After speaking with previous exchange students they came to a consensus that the following aspects of Rotary Youth Exchange reign true in any country.

1. You will accumulate heaps and piles of various new items until you find yourself leaving things behind, giving out old clothes and sending massive crates home in the mail.
2. You will be able to speak the language fluently by the end of your exchange, understand every word that is spoken and be able to fully communicate what you feel and think.
3. Leaving and thinking of leaving will cause you unbelievable pain and discomfort, and lastly,
4. You will grow in ways unimaginable.

I am growing, and have grown since the day I stepped foot on Thai soil; my growth and transformation screams loudly from the clothes I wear, the way that I hold myself and the words that come out of my mouth. I can feel it intensifying in the thoughts that scramble through my head, interrupting each other and overlapping while trying to be more than a flicker of imagination. I feel growth in the tips of my fingers, through my eyes and in the way that I view life - it's an interesting feeling, this change, and not one that I would give up easily. I can’t say myself how I have changed, but I feel it in my heart, deep down inside and I love the new me. This country is more than my host country, more than my home and more than the country I have fallen head over heels in love with - Thailand is my security blanket. Thailand is the solution to all my problems, the answer to all my questions and the rock holding me down and forcing stability in my ever changing life. Rotary prepared us for everything from walking in the airport, to problems with our host parents and dealing with other exchange students. The only thing they left out was how to deal with leaving and now I understand why. It is the biggest challenge I’ve had to face and it’s something I must do completely on my own, no anesthesia.

I have barely had time to sit and relax since my last Beavertale, let alone organize myself for my return to Canada in two months. Time has just been nonstop going, going, going – and soon, it will be gone. My time here is running out and it has become an increasing fear as each of my friends leaves this beloved country for their homeland. The too-soon departure of my fellow exchange student in Nakhon Phanom has us both strained and trying to spend as much time together as possible before she leaves. We spend hours sitting in complete stillness, lying on her bed not talking, not moving, just breathing together and appreciating the time we have left. I’ve never been the type to sit still, to keep patient and just take the time to breathe; in Thailand, that’s all I do. Silence is completely taken for granted; before Thailand the creak of a banana tree or the whisper of beetle’s wings had never been truly treasured. There are sounds here I never would have listened for, sounds that always appeared so miniscule and trivial in the constant movement of a western lifestyle. In Thailand, walks along the cracked sidewalks no longer need an iPod to accompany them – instead I listen to all the movement around me. Children riding their bikes through the street, content without a television or computer to occupy them; a gathering of friends sitting in the driveway of their home sharing a meal under the star filled sky; humming motorbikes cutting in front of an SUV who reciprocates with a polite beep of their horn in acknowledgement; howling dogs; a rooster’s crow; the buzz of swarming mosquitoes and a sudden zap as they are struck with an electric swatter. It is the serene sound of bliss.

As much as it pains me to say, this is my last and final Beavertale. I’ve thought about writing this letter since my first day in Thailand and the thought of it has squeezed me continually tighter. It’s shocking to think of going back to Canada, to a home I have not known for so long, but I will not bid my dear Thailand farewell. A piece of my heart will always be in Thailand and it will stay here for years to come, until one day, I am able to come back to my family and friends, my city and my culture. I will be thinking of Thailand everyday and every moment until I can come home.

Rotary Youth Exchange has surprised and delighted me in so many ways and I could never express how utmost my gratitude is to all the people who have helped me get here. I didn’t bargain for the adventures and challenges I have encountered, but I don’t regret them; they have made my exchange an astounding year and most of all have shaped me into the independent, loving person I am. So thank you again, to both my Rotary districts, to my three loving host families, my exceptionally wonderful family in Canada who has supported me through everything, all of my friends and fellow exchange students and all the people I’ve met and come to love. But most of all, thank you Thailand, for giving relentlessly, opening my eyes and showing me what true happiness is.

ความจริงเป็นของชีวิต คือ การตื่นในความฝันของตัวเอง
Peace and love,
Emma a.k.a กุหลาบ

Mother Nature's Children

There is always some creature annoying you in Nakhon Phanom. Whether it is my cat Bak Mo who wakes me up at 2 in the morning by hanging outside my window by the screen, stray dogs that chase you down the street on your bicycle or frogs that hop over your toes during the rainy season, there is always something moving and always something there with you. You are never truly alone.

Aside from the creatures, there are the critters; hoards of ants carrying dead cockroaches across the kitchen floor in the middle of the night and even larger cockroaches scurrying across the sidewalks when the town quiets down and the sun stops shining. Then there are the flying insects named "maeng mao" that infest around lights at dusk and within hours had died along the street sides causing passing motorbikes to slide along the hundreds of dead bugs.

My house is right in front of a forest, outside the bright lights of the city and very close to a pond. We own a convenient store with our garage door open 14 hours a day, from dawn until dusk. Mosquitoes flood in, following you through the house so they can suck your blood and leave you itching for hours, days and weeks on end. As I sit by my computer I am forced to not only wear insect repellent cream, but long sleeves and pants; as I have come to realise, insects in Thailand are invincible and impossible to repel. I sit with my electric fly swatter "Zap Zap Zap Zap" and the dead bodies fall to the ground until I need to sweep them up with the broom and dustpan. Suzanne now officially hates my house. On days when the insect repellant has run out, I take safe haven in my bedroom, where I have a bedroom door that shuts MOST of the buggers out. But though I have a door to keep out the mosquitoes, I cannot keep out the beetles, ants or geckos that somehow find their way into my room, into my suitcase and then into my pile of clothes. I am no longer surprised to find ants crawling up my arm or on my bed and pillow.

I find it hard to be frusterated with all the creepy crawlers in my bed because as Suzanne once reminded me, "The ants were here before we were."

"Even should we find another Eden, we would not be fit to enjoy it perfectly nor stay in it forever." - Henry Van Dyke

Island Wilderness

The green snake slithered down the branch of the palm tree as I stared at him from my balcony overlooking the Andaman Sea. Snakes interest me, and I've never had the chance to see a snake move so gracefully across the surface of a tree trunk; the only snake meetings I've had are with garden snakes that dance across your toes in long grass, drugged pythons that reptile shows like to place around your neck and snakes of all sizes in zoos, where they barely move an inch and stay wrapped in a coil the entire time.
The movements of the snake were fascinating - every once in a while he would lift his head from the trunk and swing it in the air, deciding on which way to go and whether or not there was food nearby. As he crept the length of the tree it appeared that he wasn't moving apart from the stripes on his skin flowing gently and his body stretching into loops and curves. I've never seen an animal move so calmly in such a graceful manner. Jeanne and Lynne thought it was gross and a woman walking beneath it shuddered away but I thought it was amusing. You don't see snakes on trees everyday in Canada.

"Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get" - Forrest Gump.

Phang Nga Bay

It broke through the surface of the sea, skidded across the clear ripples - dancing, dipping and skating. It was a ballerina alongside our boat as we headed towards Phang Nga Bay. I had never seen a flying fish before.

Phang Nga Bay is the home of 42 of the 300 islands in all of the Andaman Sea - home to the famous island where Roger Moore filmed "James Bond: The Man With the Golden Gun", to countless eerie lagoons where monkeys screech in the trees and bats hang motionless in the dark caves.
We took canoes through a hundred metre stretch of dark cave where bats flew over our heads enticing screeches from many of the travellers; the cave opened up into a lagoon where fish swam by our canoe and birds whistled in the jungle around us. We had to lean back to keep from hitting our heads on the hanging stalactites that grazed our noses while we shrank to the bottom of our boat.
On our way back to the mainland we played games with the tourguides - trying to put glass Sprite bottles into formations and listening to techno music as a large rain cloud formed to the south. The cloud masked most of the island, loomed overtop of it and yet the other side of the island was a clear, crystal blue sky.

A streak of sunlight lit a line through the sea as we powered through the waves, back to reality.

"Be a fruitloop in a world of cheerios"

Homesickness

For the first time in my exchange I am really homesick. However, I am not homesick for Canada; instead I yearn for and miss my family and friends in Nakhon Phanom. It seems rediculous but being away from all my friends, my family and my city for two weeks has really put a damper on me. Not only am I missing them but I have been immersed in Bangkok and Phuket where you can barely tell you are in Thailand aside from the sweltering heat and cheap prices. The streets are crawling with falangs, food is overpriced and not the way Thai food is supposed to taste and fast food restaurants and shopping malls loom over top of you as you walk down the street. I miss chickens running around my feet, dogs lying on the sidewalks and broken sidewalks that almost break your ankles. I have left the country I have come to love behind and instead have entered a country named Thailand where nothing is the Thailand that I love so much. I miss going to P'Oom's shop for Thai tea and toast with condensed milk; riding my bike through the streets and along the riverside; watching the groups of people working out at aerobics; sitting with Suzanne at Meurang watching and making fun of falangs that enter our habitat. I miss learning the dance moves to Korean pop songs with my host sisters; letting my crazy cat in from outside when she climbs up my window screen and showering with a bucket (who knew I would come to love the bucket so much?). Bangkok is nice, Phuket is nicer, but they aren't Thailand. They aren't filled with culture, amazing sounds and delicious food that screams anything but "falang". I miss my home.

Broken Heart

Kareoke has recently found its niche in my heart. Not only is the karaoke building airconditioned (a wonderful plus on a hot day) but my love for Thai music is overflowing and spilling out as I learn new songs and begin to sing along.

I love going to sing karaoke; if I have nothing to do and everyone else is busy I'll go and pay $1.50 to sit in the brightly coloured box for an hour and listen to my favourite Silly Fools, Potato and Tattoo Colour songs.

On Friday my friends and I went out for lunch and shopping before renting the biggest karaoke room (filled with two black leather couches, disco balls and strobe lights) and putting on a personal concert for the next two hours. It was so much fun to spend time with my friends, to joke around, to not have to speak perfectly formal and to learn more "teenage Thai". We sang lots of songs that I know the words to and others that I don't. I wrote down all the songs that I didn't know and I've made myself another CD to add to my growing collection.

Though I noticed before, it has become much more clear to me that almost 99% of all Thai songs involve some sort of romance, in which someone walks away broken hearted. You cannot hear a song without hearing "sia jai" (broken heart) or "kid teung ter" (i miss you). It is even less common to hear a song without "i love you" weaseled in there in some form of conversation. Thailand is a country of sappy love songs - period. Another thing I noticed is that Thai people (or at least my friends) don't feel compelled to sing in key at all; if they can't sing in the key of the artist, they sing in their own key.. WHILE the artist is singing as well. They have wonderful voices, Kate and Klao having the nicest voices of any Thai person I know - but that doesn't mean so much when it sounds completely off. Sometimes I have to hold back from covering my ears.. not that my singing is anything to be proud of.

"I wanna eat you up" - BoA

Sexuality

Sexuality is a very big part of Thai culture. Especially when it comes to sexual orientation. At first it really shocked and confused me at how many different sexual orientations there are and how forwardly they are expressed, but now it has come very comforting to me and I find it extremely normal. One of my guy friends even came out to being gay once he came to Thailand as he felt so comfortable with being himself here. However, unlike Canada there seems to be many different orientations when it comes to sexuality, and some of different qualities may give a person a completely different orientation. I have tried to explain them to a few people and they just get very confused so I thought I would break it down for those of you that I have yet to mention it to. I'm going to use the terms that Thai people use (mostly because the English terms and Thai terms usually have some differences and sometimes, there may not even be an English word).

1. Straight (there is no word in Thai)- Attracted to the opposite gender.

2. Gay - Boys who are attracted to other boys

3. Lesbian - Girls who are attracted to other girls

4. Bisexual (I don't know the Thai expression) - Someone who is attracted to both genders.

5. Katoei - Katoeis are boys who dress up like girls. In a highschool situation where you must wear a uniform this could just mean putting on makeup or carrying a purse but Katoeis who are out of school usually completely dress up, wear wigs and sometimes take hormones. Katoeis are the coolest Thai people ever in my opinion; they are so flamboyant and cheerful and they are almost always the best dressed.

6. Tootsie - Boys who get a sex change to become a woman

7. Tom - A Tom is a girl who dresses like a boy, cuts their hair like a boy and usually is flat chested. However, they do not take hormone pills or get plastic surgery, so most of the time they just look like very put together and somewhat feminine boys. "Tom" is short for "tomboy" - a girl who likes to look like a boy.

8. Dee - A Dee is a girl who likes Toms. They are different than lesbians because they are not exactly attracted to girls - they are simply attracted to girls who are dressed as boys, girls who LOOK like boys. (This is the hard one to understand)

That's all I can think of for now - I will add more if I learn any new ones.

"Will you stay with me, will you be my love" - Fields of Gold