Beavertale 3

Growth means change and
change involves risk, stepping
from the known to the unknown.

You can’t possibly be ready; no matter how much you prepare, or however well you have come to terms with the situation, you will never be ready. Almost a year ago I was preparing for what was to be the biggest challenge and most rewarding year of my life. It has definitely surpassed rewarding in all aspects, but the biggest challenge has turned out to be not coming to a foreign country, but the return home. Preparing to go back to Canada and saying good bye to the place you have come to love is extremely difficult to do without going insane in the process. The real adventure, the aspect of exchange that we failed to prepare for, is our journey back in time to the place where time has stood still and no one is ready for our personal change. To a place where no one will understand how we have changed except ourselves; the hustle and bustle of thousands of people rushing off to work and fighting through traffic is something I personally am not prepared for.

Everything I was told about Rotary Youth Exchange turned out to be spot on. After speaking with previous exchange students they came to a consensus that the following aspects of Rotary Youth Exchange reign true in any country.

1. You will accumulate heaps and piles of various new items until you find yourself leaving things behind, giving out old clothes and sending massive crates home in the mail.
2. You will be able to speak the language fluently by the end of your exchange, understand every word that is spoken and be able to fully communicate what you feel and think.
3. Leaving and thinking of leaving will cause you unbelievable pain and discomfort, and lastly,
4. You will grow in ways unimaginable.

I am growing, and have grown since the day I stepped foot on Thai soil; my growth and transformation screams loudly from the clothes I wear, the way that I hold myself and the words that come out of my mouth. I can feel it intensifying in the thoughts that scramble through my head, interrupting each other and overlapping while trying to be more than a flicker of imagination. I feel growth in the tips of my fingers, through my eyes and in the way that I view life - it's an interesting feeling, this change, and not one that I would give up easily. I can’t say myself how I have changed, but I feel it in my heart, deep down inside and I love the new me. This country is more than my host country, more than my home and more than the country I have fallen head over heels in love with - Thailand is my security blanket. Thailand is the solution to all my problems, the answer to all my questions and the rock holding me down and forcing stability in my ever changing life. Rotary prepared us for everything from walking in the airport, to problems with our host parents and dealing with other exchange students. The only thing they left out was how to deal with leaving and now I understand why. It is the biggest challenge I’ve had to face and it’s something I must do completely on my own, no anesthesia.

I have barely had time to sit and relax since my last Beavertale, let alone organize myself for my return to Canada in two months. Time has just been nonstop going, going, going – and soon, it will be gone. My time here is running out and it has become an increasing fear as each of my friends leaves this beloved country for their homeland. The too-soon departure of my fellow exchange student in Nakhon Phanom has us both strained and trying to spend as much time together as possible before she leaves. We spend hours sitting in complete stillness, lying on her bed not talking, not moving, just breathing together and appreciating the time we have left. I’ve never been the type to sit still, to keep patient and just take the time to breathe; in Thailand, that’s all I do. Silence is completely taken for granted; before Thailand the creak of a banana tree or the whisper of beetle’s wings had never been truly treasured. There are sounds here I never would have listened for, sounds that always appeared so miniscule and trivial in the constant movement of a western lifestyle. In Thailand, walks along the cracked sidewalks no longer need an iPod to accompany them – instead I listen to all the movement around me. Children riding their bikes through the street, content without a television or computer to occupy them; a gathering of friends sitting in the driveway of their home sharing a meal under the star filled sky; humming motorbikes cutting in front of an SUV who reciprocates with a polite beep of their horn in acknowledgement; howling dogs; a rooster’s crow; the buzz of swarming mosquitoes and a sudden zap as they are struck with an electric swatter. It is the serene sound of bliss.

As much as it pains me to say, this is my last and final Beavertale. I’ve thought about writing this letter since my first day in Thailand and the thought of it has squeezed me continually tighter. It’s shocking to think of going back to Canada, to a home I have not known for so long, but I will not bid my dear Thailand farewell. A piece of my heart will always be in Thailand and it will stay here for years to come, until one day, I am able to come back to my family and friends, my city and my culture. I will be thinking of Thailand everyday and every moment until I can come home.

Rotary Youth Exchange has surprised and delighted me in so many ways and I could never express how utmost my gratitude is to all the people who have helped me get here. I didn’t bargain for the adventures and challenges I have encountered, but I don’t regret them; they have made my exchange an astounding year and most of all have shaped me into the independent, loving person I am. So thank you again, to both my Rotary districts, to my three loving host families, my exceptionally wonderful family in Canada who has supported me through everything, all of my friends and fellow exchange students and all the people I’ve met and come to love. But most of all, thank you Thailand, for giving relentlessly, opening my eyes and showing me what true happiness is.

ความจริงเป็นของชีวิต คือ การตื่นในความฝันของตัวเอง
Peace and love,
Emma a.k.a กุหลาบ