The Music Man

[Me attempting to play Zombie at the Rotary Camp]

I've never been that interested in playing guitar; my mom has one in Canada and it always looked like fun, but every time someone tried to teach me I gave up. I'm kind of a quitter when it comes to doing things that need constant practice. We do have a class at MM Robinson in Burlington, but I've never had the time in my school schedule to fit it in, and I was always too busy after school to sit down and learn with someone... or my computer. However I have always been extremely envious of girls who can play the guitar, as well as sing along [it is a skill that must truly be mastered]. This past year I have also really gotten into Indie and Folk music and I've always wanted to be able to play my favourite songs on the guitar and sing along.

[Kate and Pee Lek, my future host mother]

Once I arrived in Thailand I was able to pick my own courses at school, so when I found out they had a Guitar class I was SOOO excited. Since I don't do anything in school here, Guitar is one of the only classes where I can actually focus on something and try to make progress. And I am. After only two classes I could play the C major scale [2 octaves] a short song using the scale and three chords: C, G, Eminor.
Not only have I been learning at school, but my friends LOVE to sit around and jam on the guitar during their free periods. They especially love to sing English songs with me and even compliment me on my vocal talents [which are rare]. For some reason EVERY Thai person here seems to know "Zombie" by the Cranberries. How, or why, I have no idea; but I do know that most of my friends in Canada don't even know that song, and they are English. Anyways, my Thai friends like to play Zombie on their guitars and have me sing along [as well as I can]. One day I decided I should start learning to play Zombie on the guitar myself so I can jam FOR my Thai friends. It's coming along, I have started to form callises on my finger tips [YAY], and I can strum the chords properly. We are now on school break so I never have the chance to play the guitar. So today I bought my own guitar so that I can practice everyday and try to get better. I have just started learning the chords to "Marching Bands of Manhattan" and I am teaching Kate and Klao the words so they can sing along. It's really fun :) At the rate I'm going, by the time I get home to Canada I hope to be able to play guitar AND sing, at the SAME time.. and I will be a crazy yoga professional. EXCITEMENT!!

"If I had my life to live over again, I'd try to make more mistakes next time. I would relax. I would limber up. I would be sillier than I have been. I would take more chances. I would take more trips. I would climb more mountains, swim more ribers and watch more sunsets" - Nadine Stair "I'd Pick More Daisies"

Anger Management

I just spent an hour typing out exactly why I am angry. All the reasons, everything that has gone bad today. Then BLOGSPOT decided to be a real ass and delete ALL of it, after all my hard work. And now I am even ANGRIER. I guess it is for the best, some of the things I was typing were full of so much emotion that some people may not have been too pleased with me. AALSKGHAL;SKJFAL;SKJF'ASLKFHA;LSGKNA;SLFKNMASC WIRYA;LSKHGAL;SKFJAL;SKRUAO;WITYHAO;SFHALKSGHAL; ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH That is how I feel today, if I could begin to possibly put it into words. Suzanne and I have been excluded from a youth exchange trip because our counsellor wants us to see the festival here. I wanted to see the festival anyways but the fact that they tried to keep it a secret from us that there even WAS a trip really upset me. I'm pissed. I'm not going to go into full detail about everything, but I cried I was so angry, and I had every right. Today I watched the sun set on my happiness. Today was one of those days where you can't be happy, you can only be pissed off and upset no matter what happens. Even after watching a beautiful sunset of the most magnificent purple, then they deepest burgendy and the most wonderful blood red. The clouds hang in the sky as if they had been painted and move so slowly that they seem to just lay there frozen. But tonight I didn't enjoy it, all I could do was sit, eat peanut brittle with Suzanne and wallow in self pity.

"We are the youth of the nation"

You Can Call me Kulap

My purpose here is to change.

"Banana Leaf" and I at the Museum of Governors.

Though saying this may reduce my mother to tears, and many members of my family and friends have dreaded hearing it since I left: I have changed. Not in a drastic way, not in a way you could really notice unless you really knew the old me, but the truth is that I feel different. I no longer feel like "Emma" I feel like "Big Sister Kulap", and that's who I am here. Big Sister Kulap. My Physical appearance has changed a little, during my third week here I was so fed up with my bangs being stuck to my face from the heat so I cut them. Not very well, but they don't look bad. I do miss my old "emo slice" and my new fringe compliments my school girl uniform quite well. Especially the Mary Janes and socks. I have also neglected shaving my legs. Quite a big deal in Canada, but in the land where "No One Cares And No One Shaves Their Legs" it is a different story. I also have extremely bumpy and spotted legs from the excessive misquito bites. I'm trying not to itch them because that's how I get the brown scars, but misquito bites here aren't itchy. They're painful. I'm trying to tell myself that all the aerobics and yoga is rewarding me with toned legs and arms, but I really can't tell. I think I'm just breaking even with all the food I am eating. At least I'm not gaining weight, that's the important thing. [Knock on wood]. My clothing style has changed 3 fold. I no longer wear short shorts [or shorts period], instead I have started wearing a shant like style. Long capris, almost floods and sometimes really long shorts. I don't wear fitted clothing very often. I bought new pairs of flowy pants and flowy shirts because with the heat that's all you really want to wear. My new clothes are classic Thai, flowy pants with knots at the top, pants with elephants on them, silk shirts with coloured trim. A lot of the clothes I brought I don't wear. Then there is my attitude. Other than my new obsession with every animal in the world, I am now very interested in toads, lizards, giant millipedes and frogs. All of the creepy crawlies that the Thai people hate. I shower much more often than in Canada. Two or three times a day is normal; once when I wake up, once when I get home from school and another before I go to bed. I sweat so much here that I am constantly sticky and in desperate need of a shower. In Canada I was the kind of girl that no one looked twice at, the type of girl that usually spent her time by herself or in different groups. Now I have real friends that I hang out with all the time, that I see every week and I really get along well with. I still don't have friends that I go out with everyday of the week, but I wouldn't want friends like that. I like to be friends with everyone. I am invited to go on vacation with people, all the little kids love me and all the students at school call me "Big Sister Kulap" [Pee Kulap]. I am no longer afraid to sing in public, I actually really enjoy all the times that I am "forced" to sing karaoke. Singing horribly is something I take pride in, because the Thai people don't care. I relish in the time I spend by myself. In Canada I would always want to be out doing something with my friends, but here I love the time I have to myself to lie on my bed, stretch and read a book. I also have never been more diligent in my life. When I told people I was going to write in a journal everyday I doubted it myself. I've tried to keep a journal Lord knows how many times and I can't do it. But here, every night I take the time before I go to bed or while I am waiting for a phonecall to write down what I did that day, how I am feeling and what I am really enjoying about my exchange. My humour is dying slightly with no one to share it with. There aren't any people here who would understand my true humour, I'm anxiously awaiting the trip with the other exchange students. Maybe there will be some of them who understand my sarcasm and I can finally be my crazy self. Not that I can't be myself with my friends here, but they don't have the same kind of humour as me so sometimes I keep my mouth shut when I normally would have had lots to say. There are few people in Canada who can even understand and enjoy my humour so finding someone in Thailand will be a mission. I'm prepared to take this mission though. I no longer rely on music. That is partially because my iPod is broken, may it rest in peace. I do enjoy Thai music a lot, but I find that I don't need to be listening to music all the time. I love the silent moments, listening to the bustle of the street outside my window or the mockingbirds who I have even gotten used to. Don't worry, I may be different when I get back but I will love everyone just as much, if not more. I won't be the same person, but hopefully this change that is taking course is for the better. "It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves" -William Shakespeare

Disturbia

Yesterday I saw a little puppy get run over by an SUV. I don't think I've felt as horrified or disturbed in my life. I saw the car coming, and the dog in front of it. But usually dogs just move out of the way, this one didn't. Afterwards the dog stumbled around yelping and whimpering and I didn't know what to do. I hope it is okay, but when I came back down the street after my shopping I couldn't see it anywhere, dead or alive. I had the day off school yesterday so I went to the market to buy a present for my Dad's birthday and was walking down the street by myself. When it happened I broke out crying in the middle of the street. The vendors were staring at me, bewildered at how little control I had over myself. Dogs here run around the street by themselves with no owners all the time, why should someone care if a dog is stupid enough to walk in front of a car? A couple toothless Sam Law drivers even laughed. No one cared about the poor thing. I didn't know what to do, I wanted to help it, but I wouldn't know what to do to help it even if it let me go near it. I just cried, and cried and cried until I couldn't stand the yelping anymore and fled into the center of the market where I couldn't hear anything except for the bustle of shoppers.
Since I have been here my love for dogs and cats has been increasing by the minute. Maybe I miss my pets in Canada, or maybe it's because I don't have pets here. But everytime I see a dog or cat I almost cry and I want to take it home. This fact about me made this situation that much harder. I felt completely empty for hours and I didn't feel remotely excited when I bought the perfect gift for Daddy. It drained me of all feeling except pity.
I feel so guilty for not yelling at the car to stop, but even if I did yell stop or put my hands out, would it have done any good? They wouldn't understand, they wouldn't care.
I can't get the picture or the sounds out of my head, I could barely sleep last night. I have been thinking about it every moment since then and no matter how hard I try it keeps coming back.
These experiences are the ones that make me miss my friends and family at home, because if I were in Canada I would have come home and hugged my mom and we would have cried together.

"Though I'm surrounded by a million people, I still feel alone"

<3

Fancy Night

This weekend was stupendous. It wasn't flawless, remotely perfect or that exciting, but now that I look back it has to be one of the best events so far. This weekend I went with Suzanne to Renu Nakhon to work at an English camp that their highschool was running. We slept in a hotel with barely anything to eat both nights, we had the same food every meal [it consisted of rice; a soup dish made of potatoes, pieces of meat and mint in tasteless water; and vegetables (I would like to personally thank the inventor of baby corn because they were the highlight for my stomach)], we had to run the same class 5 different times and the students' English was anything but wonderful. On Friday Suzanne and I were split up to teach the different classes. Since I am NO English teacher, I played games with them. English games. And if they spoke Thai I would punish them by forcing them to speak in front of the class in English. It was, to say the least, interesting. I told them a bit about myself and then I split them into teams and they had to write the answers to my questions on the board in a race. I felt like Bob Barker from The Price is Right, because when I asked them what city I live in they kept turning to their teammates who were shouting out letters. It took almost 5 minutes for one of them to write "BURLINGTON" correctly, but they put up a valient effort that I applauded them for. On Saturday Suzanne and I taught them about the different types of music and the music teacher would play examples for them. By the fifth class our explanations and examples too half the period and we sang karaoke for them for the rest of the study time. They requested songs like "My Heart Will Go On" [I snorted with laughter and they didn't understand why I was laughing, but to be honest, I didn't either], "Zombie" and "Take Me to Your Heart" which neither Suzanne or I have ever heard of but the Thai people LOVE. Every time I go somewhere where they have karaoke I hear that song being played at least once, and I don't even think it's popular in North America. Odd. Very Odd. We were told that on Saturday night they would have a fancy dance party. They told us to dress up nice and I asked them "Will the boys wear suits?" to form some idea of what type of "fancy" they meant. They told us that yes, the boys would be wearing suits. We were completely overdressed. FANCY = COSTUME PARTY in Thailand. There were people dressed like cowboys, vampires, girls in frocks, a girl dressed up as Beyonce and a boy dressed in traditional Thai clothing. My favourite costumes were the ladyboys who dressed up as girls. I even mistook a few of them for girls when we first arrived until they started talking and dancing and I knew those were the ladyboys who had earlier taught me the Thai version of "The Chicken Dance". The Chicken Dance Chicken is dead, Chicken is dead Is on the grill, Is on the grill Grill it on the left, Grill it on the right Very hot, very hot, very hot One boy had a cropped jacket made out of a rice bag, another boy had a dress completely made out of plastic and another boy had a bedsheet tied around him and a wig so elegant that it looked real. We had another string tying ceremony, but this time the whole camp gave us string, roses and eggs. They also took so many pictures of us that my face still hurts from smiling all weekend. I felt like a celebrity, more than I have since I have been here. They all asked for autographs, our emails, our phone numbers and for a billion photos with them and their friends. When I wasn't teaching I was getting my photo taken, and even when I was teaching there were people sneaking pictures like the paparazzi. Though we were extremely overdressed we still enjoyed the night. We sang and danced to camp songs and Thai rap. They also played "My Humps" about 10 times; I'm under the impression that this is the only American rap song they know the words to. After enough dancing to break your legs they passed around containers of baby powder and put it all over each other's faces. They had me walk around the circle and as I passed the students they would shake my hand with baby powder or reach up and pat baby powder all over my cheeks. Then they got water and threw it around while "My Humps" played for an eleventh time and I sang all the words, flawlessly. They really enjoyed the fact that I knew all the words; that's the price I have to pay for going on Band trips where the same CD plays on repeat with horribly catchy songs. We had a dance off and Suzanne and I won crowns and wands, afterwards we judged a costume contest. Today was the last day of the camp, and I almost cried. I had only known the kids for less than two days, but they were adorable. When the trainers stood at the front and all the students came through to shake hands, it slowly grew into a line of people hugging, kissing and taking pictures. I took so many pictures with people kissing my face, my lips or me kissing them in return. Every student [and teacher] wanted a picture with the Falangs, every teacher and student wanted to touch us, to hug us and to recieve our emails and phone numbers. We signed each other's camp shirts, took more pictures and then came home. English Camp September 12 - 14 2008, was the perfectly example of why I love Thailand so much. Everyone loves everyone. No one is afraid to show someone how much they care, and everyone has fun. Thai people are the friendliest people in the world. "I have sailed the world and seen it's wonders" - Sweeney Todd.

Mr. Postman

One of, if not THE most upsetting feeling ever is waiting for letters and not getting any. I've never been the person to check the mailbox every time I come home, or the kind of person who checks the stack of mail on the table to see if there is anything for me. I don't even check the mailbox or the table while I'm in Thailand [though I have a better chance of recieving something that isn't a bank statement]. People have told me they sent me letters and that there are packages on their way, but I don't sit in anticipation waiting for them to arrive on my doorstep. However, when I pull up on my friend's motorbike the same time the postman does I can't help but get excited as he pulls out envelopes and pops them into the mailbox. I shriek. Like a little girl who has just seen a mouse. Of course when I go over they aren't for me. Not one. Even more upsetting than that is coming home to see a big parcel on the table along with letters. I kick my shoes off, throw open the door and literally run over to see that they are addressed to my host parents, from my host sister. None for Emma. I swear the postman hates me and relishes in teasing me with notes, letters and parcels, none of which are for me. Today however, I was minding my own business [walking around the room with my electric fly swatter, looking for the misquitos that had just finished sucking my blood dry] when I heard a motorbike pull up outside. Sing was picking me up to go to yoga so I grabbed my backpack and my key and walked to the door when I saw a young man walking through my garage. It was the postman. And in his hand was the most glorious thing I have seen since Jeanne's postcard... a small parcel that could only be the pictures Mom had promised. I couldn't stop grinning as I signed for the package, answered the same questions I hear every day [Where are you from? Have you eaten yet? What is your name? How old are you? Can I have your email? (No you cannot) How about your phone number? (You can't have that either)] and thanked the postman with the biggest smile and wave I have given in a long time. Pictures. Magical pictures of my cats and my dog, my family and my friends.

I had finally recieved something; life in Canada DOES exist.

"If the world were to blow up I wouldn't be scared, I would be going with all my favourite people"

The Ties that Bind

After being away from my family and friends for nearly five weeks I have come to the safe conclusion that the vast sum of any emotion can bring a person to tears. More importantly, any strong emotion will bring Yours Truly to tears. I have felt angry, sad, homesick, happy, welcome, spiritual and calm; at each peak I have opened the water works and let them pour. On the other hand, a colossal feeling of some emotions can only shock you to your inner core and though you know you should be crying, and that your mind and body want you to, it’s virtually impossible to shed a single tear. Today was such a case. Never in my existence have I been to a party more spectacular than the Welcoming party Piyamaharachalia School threw for me today. It was magnificent in every aspect.

None of the holidays, birthday parties, goodbye parties, anniversaries or baby showers can compare to this event. Not to say that all those parties weren’t wonderful, but my welcoming party today was a mixture of the things I love and believe in the most. Peace and Love and Happiness. I wish I could have invited all my friends and family just to watch the celebration; it was like no other and yet it felt so normal for me. There were tables piled with all my favourite Thai foods: Khao Niao, Moong Satay, Dragonfruit, Vietnamese Spring Rolls, Noodles with two types of Curry, Som Tam and more. This food didn’t remotely come in small portions, we had 14 bowls of dip and 14 bags of pork for the Moong Satay, there were giant urns full of curry, large bowls full of Vietnamese spring rolls and 10 plates of my favourite fruits. I set up a table with Canadian souvenirs, my Rotary jacket and four albums of pictures. My Thai friends and teachers loved it. All of the English teachers were there along with the Director, my English/Drama class and my good friends in my Math/Biology/Chemistry class.

When we were ready to start the ceremony all the students sat in a semi circle facing table that the teachers and I sat around. On the table was a big cup of banana leaves that were cut and shaped really nicely, with candles and incense sticking out of them. There were also small wooden bowls around the cup that had eggs, bananas, desserts wrapped up and sticky rice in them. First one of the English teachers said some stuff in Thai that I didn’t understand. And then the Director got up and lit the candle and the incense while we all prayed. [At least that’s what I assume we do whenever we Wai at ceremonies]. Afterwards he tied a piece of string around another English Teacher’s wrist and she said a bunch of stuff in Thai as well. She said that she would translate it into English for me and give it to me tomorrow maybe.

Have you ever made “Warm Fuzzies” before? The pieces of paper you hand out to your friends where you write down something nice about everyone? You get to see all the nice things people said about you, and they make you feel happy to know that everyone has something good to say. I always loved those, they make everyone feel so special and no one is let down. In Thailand, instead of paper they tie string around your wrists and wish you good luck, happiness, or a healthy life; some people wish for you to stay beautiful forever. After the candles and incense had been lit, after we prayed and people made speeches, everyone took turns tying pieces of string around my wrists. They wished me good luck, hoped that I will enjoy Thailand and they washed away the bad luck from my life. Some of them wrapped money in the string; some people took the eggs/bananas/desserts out of the wooden bowls and lay them in my hands as they tied. Some people trailed the string across my wrists in one direction to rush away the bad luck and in the other direction to bring good luck. The Director started, followed by my Host Mom who placed an envelope in my hand, and after all the teachers had their turns, my friends came. Some of them couldn’t tell me anything in English so the muttered in Thai. Some of them could wish me some things in English, and others only said “Happy Happy Happy!” It was splendid. After they had all tied string around my wrists, we took turns tying the string for all our friends and teachers.

I left the ceremony with 7 eggs, 3 bananas, 2 desserts and over 1000 baht. But I left with more than just gifts. After the ceremony, we tucked into the hoards of food, I made a speech [in Thai] and played my piccolo, Kate made a speech [in English] and we took too many pictures to count. I’m pretty sure Keng has at least 30 pictures of him and I on his camera. After we finished eating we took pictures anywhere and everywhere. We ran out onto the garden and took pictures on the lawn, we took pictures with my Rotary jacket, we took pictures in front of a painting. It was the first time I’ve ever really shown them my truly wired self. I hope I didn’t frighten them with my energy. We joked around about everything, took pictures holding eggs and oranges, and we ate until we literally could not move. A bunch of us had to sit down for a bit before we could exert any energy. This experience was more than just a Welcoming Party, it was the most memorable three hours of my trip so far. I never want to take the many pieces of string off my wrists. I know I will have to eventually, but when I do I will keep them safe and treasure them forever. These small pieces of string are truly “The Ties That Bind”.

Koon Mae tying my string

Keng tying my string

ALL THE STRING!!

<3 6/6 <3

6/6 Lurking on the lawn

"We are the living, the breathing, the fighting - We are the magnificent"

One Month

I have been away from home for 31 days. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? In a way it feels just like yesterday that I waved goodbye to my family, hopped on a plane weighed down with a Tommy Hilfiger rucksack [courtesy of Chelsea deLeeuw], a carry on suitcase and my not-that-attractive-but-definetely-noticeable Rotary blazer. Now, a month later: I am living with caring parents in a house that is three stories high and full of pictures of the King I have a pink bicycle with a basket and a little bell that I feel mortified to ride, but am grateful for since it provides me with transportation everwhere I have a key, a cellphone, an intercom number and a bulletin board about me at my school I have my own room that I have organised and attempted to decorate complete with all my cards along the back of my headboard The couch in our den has my backside imprint in it I am attending a school that cares whether or not I show up I have friends who invite me out to dinner with them, or to teach me sports I know my way around well enough that I can bike to the market, the coffee shop, to get crepes and to drop off friends without having to ask for directions I make myself dinner sometimes, I pack my own lunch and I buy groceries I no longer find the bathrooms, showers, lack of ovens or stray dogs weird I considered asking my host parents if I could buy a puppy [though I didn't because I remembered there would be no way of bringing it to Canada] I find my own transportation whether by motorcycle, sam law, bicycle or walking to get around the city I have been to a Buddhist mass and have visited too many Wats to count on my fingers I have changed the way I do my hair, the way I dress and the way I get ready in the morning I am much more polite with my elders, and much more outgoing with my friends I have learned to cook some Thai dishes Though it seems like the time has flown by it feels as if all of this could not have happened in only one month. I have started to wonder how close of friendships I will have by the end of the year, and I know I will be heartbroken to leave all of this behind. I feel like I belong here. I feel like a part of a family, a normal student, a normal citizen [despite the stares]. One month out of twelve and I can already say this is the most liberating and heartwarming experience of my life. "We are who we protect; What we stand for"

Peace and Love always, Kulap