You Can Call me Kulap

My purpose here is to change.

"Banana Leaf" and I at the Museum of Governors.

Though saying this may reduce my mother to tears, and many members of my family and friends have dreaded hearing it since I left: I have changed. Not in a drastic way, not in a way you could really notice unless you really knew the old me, but the truth is that I feel different. I no longer feel like "Emma" I feel like "Big Sister Kulap", and that's who I am here. Big Sister Kulap. My Physical appearance has changed a little, during my third week here I was so fed up with my bangs being stuck to my face from the heat so I cut them. Not very well, but they don't look bad. I do miss my old "emo slice" and my new fringe compliments my school girl uniform quite well. Especially the Mary Janes and socks. I have also neglected shaving my legs. Quite a big deal in Canada, but in the land where "No One Cares And No One Shaves Their Legs" it is a different story. I also have extremely bumpy and spotted legs from the excessive misquito bites. I'm trying not to itch them because that's how I get the brown scars, but misquito bites here aren't itchy. They're painful. I'm trying to tell myself that all the aerobics and yoga is rewarding me with toned legs and arms, but I really can't tell. I think I'm just breaking even with all the food I am eating. At least I'm not gaining weight, that's the important thing. [Knock on wood]. My clothing style has changed 3 fold. I no longer wear short shorts [or shorts period], instead I have started wearing a shant like style. Long capris, almost floods and sometimes really long shorts. I don't wear fitted clothing very often. I bought new pairs of flowy pants and flowy shirts because with the heat that's all you really want to wear. My new clothes are classic Thai, flowy pants with knots at the top, pants with elephants on them, silk shirts with coloured trim. A lot of the clothes I brought I don't wear. Then there is my attitude. Other than my new obsession with every animal in the world, I am now very interested in toads, lizards, giant millipedes and frogs. All of the creepy crawlies that the Thai people hate. I shower much more often than in Canada. Two or three times a day is normal; once when I wake up, once when I get home from school and another before I go to bed. I sweat so much here that I am constantly sticky and in desperate need of a shower. In Canada I was the kind of girl that no one looked twice at, the type of girl that usually spent her time by herself or in different groups. Now I have real friends that I hang out with all the time, that I see every week and I really get along well with. I still don't have friends that I go out with everyday of the week, but I wouldn't want friends like that. I like to be friends with everyone. I am invited to go on vacation with people, all the little kids love me and all the students at school call me "Big Sister Kulap" [Pee Kulap]. I am no longer afraid to sing in public, I actually really enjoy all the times that I am "forced" to sing karaoke. Singing horribly is something I take pride in, because the Thai people don't care. I relish in the time I spend by myself. In Canada I would always want to be out doing something with my friends, but here I love the time I have to myself to lie on my bed, stretch and read a book. I also have never been more diligent in my life. When I told people I was going to write in a journal everyday I doubted it myself. I've tried to keep a journal Lord knows how many times and I can't do it. But here, every night I take the time before I go to bed or while I am waiting for a phonecall to write down what I did that day, how I am feeling and what I am really enjoying about my exchange. My humour is dying slightly with no one to share it with. There aren't any people here who would understand my true humour, I'm anxiously awaiting the trip with the other exchange students. Maybe there will be some of them who understand my sarcasm and I can finally be my crazy self. Not that I can't be myself with my friends here, but they don't have the same kind of humour as me so sometimes I keep my mouth shut when I normally would have had lots to say. There are few people in Canada who can even understand and enjoy my humour so finding someone in Thailand will be a mission. I'm prepared to take this mission though. I no longer rely on music. That is partially because my iPod is broken, may it rest in peace. I do enjoy Thai music a lot, but I find that I don't need to be listening to music all the time. I love the silent moments, listening to the bustle of the street outside my window or the mockingbirds who I have even gotten used to. Don't worry, I may be different when I get back but I will love everyone just as much, if not more. I won't be the same person, but hopefully this change that is taking course is for the better. "It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves" -William Shakespeare