Yesterday I saw a little puppy get run over by an SUV. I don't think I've felt as horrified or disturbed in my life. I saw the car coming, and the dog in front of it. But usually dogs just move out of the way, this one didn't. Afterwards the dog stumbled around yelping and whimpering and I didn't know what to do. I hope it is okay, but when I came back down the street after my shopping I couldn't see it anywhere, dead or alive. I had the day off school yesterday so I went to the market to buy a present for my Dad's birthday and was walking down the street by myself. When it happened I broke out crying in the middle of the street. The vendors were staring at me, bewildered at how little control I had over myself. Dogs here run around the street by themselves with no owners all the time, why should someone care if a dog is stupid enough to walk in front of a car? A couple toothless Sam Law drivers even laughed. No one cared about the poor thing. I didn't know what to do, I wanted to help it, but I wouldn't know what to do to help it even if it let me go near it. I just cried, and cried and cried until I couldn't stand the yelping anymore and fled into the center of the market where I couldn't hear anything except for the bustle of shoppers.
Since I have been here my love for dogs and cats has been increasing by the minute. Maybe I miss my pets in Canada, or maybe it's because I don't have pets here. But everytime I see a dog or cat I almost cry and I want to take it home. This fact about me made this situation that much harder. I felt completely empty for hours and I didn't feel remotely excited when I bought the perfect gift for Daddy. It drained me of all feeling except pity.
I feel so guilty for not yelling at the car to stop, but even if I did yell stop or put my hands out, would it have done any good? They wouldn't understand, they wouldn't care.
I can't get the picture or the sounds out of my head, I could barely sleep last night. I have been thinking about it every moment since then and no matter how hard I try it keeps coming back.
These experiences are the ones that make me miss my friends and family at home, because if I were in Canada I would have come home and hugged my mom and we would have cried together.
"Though I'm surrounded by a million people, I still feel alone"
<3
15 years ago
7 comments:
Hey emma, you know you can always get a hug from me. I know I'm not your sisters or your mother, but at least I'm someone, no?
...jesus. that's horrible.
i honestly don't even know what to say...i probably would have reacted exactly like you did.
but i do know that all of us back home love you and we'd hug you if we could. i'm not your family either, but even i know that.
you're not alone - we're all thinking of you <3
-torey.
Oh God, that's aweful. :(
don't worry... I'm not sure what to say about the puppy, I don't think anything can really be said.
I send you a cyberhug.
best wishes with your new endeavors.
Hello Emma Elizabeth. I'm Suzanne's dad and I wanted to let you know that I read your blog religiously along with Suzannne's. You will have to visit us in Oregon when you return. I feel for you -- I think I can understand the sense of helplessness you felt seeing the dog being hit. What little I understand of Buddhism is that the underlying human condition is one of suffering. If we acknowledge it as the baseline, then ultimately we can deal better with the world. Like the other people who have written comments, I can't offer any real words of comfort other than to acknowledge the sadness. I hope tomorrow will be a better day and that you and Suzy are taking good care of one another.
O_O That's some hardcore stuff...wow
Oh Dad, How I love thee. That was a nice lesson on buddhism. You are so wordy and formal. I miss it. Anyway, Emma, you have now met my dad. Sort of.
thanks everyone for the words of comfort. they really have helped, and i'm not just saying that.
i'm glad there are so many of you who are here for me.
<3
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